I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
