Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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