Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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