did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
