I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
