a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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