i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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