i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
