are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
