Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
