he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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