I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
