i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
