Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
third nipple confirmed
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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