So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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