It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
