He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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