Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
