Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just made my gag reflex go away.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
