i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
