I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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