I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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