I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
