I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
