youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
