went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
