i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
