i just had sex bonerless
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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