I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
