I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
