I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
