you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
