haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
