You work out of a Hotel?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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