How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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