I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
