he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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