thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
