Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
