Do you still have your period?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
