i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
