You smell like stripper and shame
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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