i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
