how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
