Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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