we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
