drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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