She announced her abortion via fbk
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
