so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
