Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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