I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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