just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
