I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
