This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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