I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
