I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.