is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.