I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.