College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
