Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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