i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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