the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
