I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
