I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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