I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
