so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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