Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
tell your sister to shave her snatch
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
