I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
