i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
