New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
