I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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