he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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