I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
